The mens’ stuff

When the F-word was appropriate:

10) “What the *&%# was that?” -Mayor of Hiroshima 

9) “Where did all these *&%#ing Indians come from?” -Custer 

 “Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that.” -Einstein 

7) “It does SO *&%#ing look like her!” -Picasso 

6) “How the *&%# did you work that out?” -Pythagoras 

5) “You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?” -Michelangelo 

4) “I don’t suppose it’s gonna *&%#ing rain.” -Joan of Arc 

3) “Scattered *&%#ing showers…my ass!” -Noah 

2) “I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in my head!” -JFK 

And the best appropriate use in history: 

1) “Aw, c’mon, who the *&%# is going to find out -Bill Clinton 

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Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife, Sadie, that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.

Given the prognosis, Morris asks Sadie for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, she agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die."

She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

Morris, however, worried about his impending doom, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...?"

At this point Sadie sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't!

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An Old Iowa farmer went to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir what's that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said,"That's my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go Chuck goes."
"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He undid his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.
"Well don't worry about it,"said Marge.
"At our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so too,"said Mildred, "But this one is eatin' my popcorn!"

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