The mens' stuff

September 27, 2009

chinoiseries

Un avion décolle. Le pilote est juif. Le co-pilote, lui, est chinois.
C’est leur premier vol ensembles. Un silence de plomb règne dans la cabine de pilotage.
L’harmonie n’est pas au rendez-vous.
Une fois la vitesse de croisière atteinte, le pilote actionne le pilotage automatique, s’enfonce dans son fauteuil et murmure: «Les Chinois me font ch...»
«Vous, pas aimer Chinois. Pourquoi ?» de répondre le copilote.
«Ils ont bombardé Pearl-Harbour»
«Non, Chinois pas bombardé Pearl-Harbour, mais Japonais»
«Japonais, Chinois, Viets, qu’est-ce que ça peut bien faire ? Vous êtes tous pareils…»
Un autre lourd silence s’abat encore dans la cabine.
«Moi pas aimer les Juifs» murmure à son tour le Chinois.
«Ah ouin … et pourquoi ?»
«Juifs couler le Titanic !»
«Non, mais faut être malade ! Les Juifs n’ont jamais coulé le Titanic !» s’exclame le pilote, «C’est un iceberg qui l’a coulé !»
«Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg … tous pareils …»

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September 24, 2009

Jewish New Year

Now, according to the Jewish calendar, the new year is 5770.

According to the Chinese calendar, the year is 4707.

This means that the Jews went without Chinese food for 1,063 years.

This period is known as the Dark Ages.
—Rabbi Riccardo.

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September 24, 2009

Useful Word - but now with an Indian accent #nsfw

The Word Fuck

(download)

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September 24, 2009

Africa

Click here to download:

Africa.zip (166 KB)

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September 22, 2009

U2

At a U2 concert Bono asks the audience for some quiet.

Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the

audience in total silence, he says into the microphone…

” I want you to think about something.

Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

A voice from the front of the audience yells out …

“Then fookin stop clapping, ya arsehole !”

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September 21, 2009

A.M.A.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Obama health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .

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September 21, 2009

Schriftstellerschicksal oder: so werden Wünsche wahr ...

Es war einmal ein Junge, der auf die Frage nach seinem Berufswunsch
antwortete, er würde gerne ein großer Schriftsteller werden.
Als man ihn fragte, was er unter "groß" verstehe, sagte er: "Ich möchte
Sachen schreiben, die die ganze Welt liest. Sachen, auf die die Leute mit
echten Emotionen reagieren. Sachen, die den Leser zum Weinen und Schreien
bringen und in Wutgeheul ausbrechen lassen!"
Heute arbeitet er für Microsoft und schreibt Fehlermeldungen.

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September 21, 2009

Smart answer

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.